Sunday, December 2, 2012

ARCHIVE: 24 Candles

originally posted here on February 21, 2012 on the eve of my Twenty-Forth birthday

I’ve felt so much pressure with this approaching birthday. Every minute that has ticked away on the clock has brought me closer to twenty-four. Just typing this makes me feel old, unfulfilled, and pressed for time. I’ve been living my life based on a timeline of events/milestones I should hit by a particular age (most falling around the twenty-five year mark) and being that I feel as though so much hasn’t been accomplished it has me feeling a ridiculous amount of anxiety.

I was watching Bethenny Ever After not too long ago and she talked about how she was finally living the life she had always planned for herself at forty. FORTY! I don’t want to live life as I’m living it now for the next ten + years! And you know what someone reading this is thinking right now? If you want something to happen before forty, you need to start doing things and making away for yourself now. Which embodies why I suddenly feel this insurmountable amount of pressure. Pressure to be great, to not let my dreams die, to have impact on society, to not fall victim to complacency and allow myself to be pigeon holed in a direction I’m not necessarily trying to grow in, etc. etc.

The issue (well, challenge) is that in order for the above to play out, there is so much that is required of me. For the past twenty-three years of my life, I was afforded the luxury or time and it’s been socially acceptable for me to take baby steps and watch my life just happen. But now, I feel like time is gone and if I don’t make things happen in this next year of my life that it’s never going to happen and I’m risking being just another person who once had a dream but did nothing about it.

Tomorrow, I will be twenty-four. Sigh.

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