My Ambitionz As A Writer

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1: 2-4 

I've taken the route of being raw with my readers. No holds barred.

A lot of blogs I read tend to beat around their own personal truths and give hypothetical scenarios. But, I want the people who read what I write to connect to my journey and in order to do so, it needs to be truthful. You never know who you might reach with what you put out into the universe. I feel we all experience trials and tribulations in order to not only make us wiser and stronger, yet to also have a testimony that makes us relatable to others.

I wrote a post a bit back on the shock of the expenses that come from living alone and it seems every time money comes in, more is having to be shelled out and I just am not understanding. I received a pay increase a few months back and seeing the number on paper is about the only impact I've seen from said increase.

In my industry, the norm tends to be to hop around in search of higher pay. But, I've tried to remain faithful to the philosophy of doing what you love and the rest following. Also, I actually like my job and I haven’t wanted to sacrifice that for more money.

In addition to that, I'm also a spiritual person. So, I often have talks with God. One of my number one prayers (outside of good health and well being for my family, friends, and myself) is financial stability and general understanding in regards to life.

I like to think that I'm a go-getter and that I work for my blessings, yet I'm not sure if that's true. Actually, I know that it's not. I've been getting a multitude of signs and I’m interpreting that to mean that I am not taking the proper actions to fulfill my destiny. I feel that as a result of that, I’ve been dealt these hardships in an effort for God to break me from a cycle of complacency.

From the outside, people tend to believe I'm doing well for myself. I have a good job, I make a decent income, I took a leap and left home for the “big city”, I'm living on my own and whatever else people who look at my life think is an accomplishment. And for the average 24 year old, I think the above is great. Yet, for Alexis, it’s just a nice start.

I don’t want this to come across as me believing that God punishes us to get his point across, but I think he reaches us in the ways he sees most effective. I'm a hustler (by nature)...being with nothing motivates me to do better. Yet, in recent years, I’ve had the basics sort of lined up for me. The average level of success is something that has typically always come easily. Yet, the journey to greatness is exactly that. A journey.

Prior to the increase mentioned above, I had a severe level of dissatisfaction with my career. I found reason after reason as to why I could be, should be, and needed to be better. I began carving different avenues that would help me to be great and then the increase came along with some slight changes in my work situation and I accepted that as my reward. I dead ended all of the avenues I was once pursuing and now looking back I realize that hindsight is always 20/20. I now believe that I could have potentially been baited back on the path of complacency.

A lot of this thought stemmed from the rapid succession of people in my life turning twenty-five. It reminded me that my own birthday is just around the corner. It also reopened the floodgates of the pressure I felt on the eve of my twenty-forth birthday (reposted here):

For the past twenty-three years of my life, I was afforded the luxury or time and it’s been socially acceptable for me to take baby steps and watch my life just happen. But now, I feel like time is gone and if I don’t make things happen in this next year of my life that it’s never going to happen and I’m risking being just another person who once had a dream but did nothing about it. 

I don’t know how many chances we’re given in this life to succeed or get it right. I just know that I can’t continue on the path that I’m on and I’m thankful for my current struggle for being a the push I needed to get my act together.

There’s no resolve at the conclusion of this post. I’m just sharing where I am on my journey and the lesson’s I’m learning in the process. If you’re reading this, I hope that you are able to take inspiration from it and be able to apply it to your own situation. I was recently inspired by a Youtuber that I subscribe to, D3zira3. Although her current struggle is not my own, I was able to apply it to my own situation and reinforce that...

“...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” - Psalm 30:5

New Age Serenity Prayer?

Let me start by saying that I've been intending to create this post for some time. However, for no reason other than my own laziness, I just never got around to it.

So, even though the song is beyond outdated, my thought still seems valid...so let's get into it.

"So in conclusion, we all seem to stumble planning our own demise. Forgetting the bigger picture and making it wallet sized. So to what's important in my life, I apologize. I promise to stay faithful, focused and sanctified. We all get distracted. The question is would you bounce back or bounce backwards? Would you not know how to act or take action? It’s just a part of life and if your vision’s impaired, you probably lose it all tonight." 

"Growing Apart (To Get Closer)" - Kendrick Lamar

This is a song that describes the divide between two people and one party's inability to understand why they are growing apart rather than closer. In true Kendrick storytelling fashion, he takes a step back and evaluates their entire relationship and how he's been feeling in order to explain the divide.

He touches on his struggle to remain motivated within personal and professional aspects of his life. This leads him to question every aspect of his life and triggers the feelings he's having that are ultimately resulting in their growing separation.

Similar to myself, after letting out his feelings, he's able to properly analyze the reason behind his behavior.

The moral of the story speaks to how as people we often times get in our own way and sometimes out of fear of the unknown unintentionally plot our own demise. After convincing ourselves that a situation can go nowhere but down, we "forget the bigger picture and make it wallet sized." 

Within Kendrick's example, he even went as far as questioning his beliefs and whether living according to those principles was even worth it if "that place called Heaven is unfair to me." Yet, after being able to take a step back and really look at the situation he was able to see the error in his judgement. "So to what's important in my life, I apologize. I promise to stay faithful, focused, and sanctified."

I make the comparison to the Serenity Prayer, because similarly it serves as a spiritual tool to help you get back on track when life throws challenges your way. It acknowledges the fact that we're all human, therefore capable of falling victim to making mistakes.

The difference between Kendrick's verse and the Serenity Prayer is that Kendrick leaves room for self-reflection. He poses questions that allow you to digest the words that he's saying and makes it up to you to make the decision in your life to make a difference. "The question is would you bounce back or bounce backwards? Would you not know how to act or take action?"


Stay tuned for a future post covering my admiration for Kendrick Lamar and other artists.